Roger, You know I love you, but
by SydneyVictoria
Summary: Just a short story about why Mimi is so peeved at Roger. Written quickly, because... I can. Rated T for language and suggestions. Review, I LOVE reviews! and enjoy. Just added Collins and Angel! On a roll and added Maureen and Mark. Very funny!
1. Mimi's complaints Against Roger

A/N: Alright this is like...little complaints about Roger that Mimi has. If you guys like it, I'll do the rest. (Like what bugs Maureen about Joanne...Collins about Angel...others) It's all in good fun. Reviews are very welcome!

Why I can't stand you, Roger.

First off, put the guitar down. You don't need it at all times of the day. Some days, I feel like if I hear one more string plucked, I'm gonna puke or pull my hair out...

Speaking of hair, brush it everyone once in awhile? It's long enough and has so much "poof" as it is, brush it. I'm sure even Gene Simmons takes time out of his daily schedule to do so.

Rocker? Honey, you aren't anymore. Give up, and for the last time, put the guitar down and pay attention to ME.

When I'm laying in bed, it's because I had a hard night at Cat Scratch. Take that into some consideration before you start groping my leg. Nobody wants that after having a over-weight, going bald, 50-something-year-old men sweating on them. Trust me, I'd know.

BUY SOME DAMN FOOD. Since I have moved in, I bring home money. You pay the rent and we live happily, but I have to kick your ass out of the loft just to get you to buy food. Then, when we don't have any, you sit a complain! Not my problem!

Mark can live here. I don't care. Just stay away from his ass, that's all I want. Your mine, not Mark's, got it?

You sit and complain about my job, I understand, but I've helped you out, haven't I? How about a little thanks in awhile?

When I ask if I look fat in this skirt, the answer is "No" and you'd better say it fast.

When you kiss me, make it quick. Sure, I love you, but if I have to taste your disgusting slobber in my mouth one more time, I swear...

If we're sitting with everyone, you know, it really bugs me when you say "Wanna screw?" -in front of everyone. I hate it. Try to be a bit more romantic?

When my mother calls and the answering machine picks up, even if you don't understand Spanish, you know her yelling (Foreign language or not) isn't a good sign. Don't pick up the phone and try to answer. Just walk the Hell away from it like I do.

One more thing, when you first introduce me, please don't let the first thing you say is, "This is my girlfriend. She's a stripper. Her name's Mimi." Okay? Don't tell them my job before my name; it's not bragging.

But over-all, baby, I love you. 


	2. Collins and Angel

**A/N: Like the first chapter, but with Collins and Angel. Don't own anything. Never will.**

Angel, I love you. But when you...

Leave a long string of clothes leading to the bathroom, I get a little irked. You're a big girl, you can pick up your clothes.

Baby girl, when you leave your wig on the table during dinner, it's not the most appetizing thing to look at while eating. Put it on your head or leave it in the bedroom.

Also, at the dinner table, or even when we are out to eat, please just eat the food? I get sick and tired of having to cut your steak into little heart shapes.

I have no fashion sense. When you're sewing "America's next big tend" don't ask me if the hem is too high, I don't know what a hem is.

You look fine without make-up, and when I say that, I mean it. I don't mean the opposite, so don't start crying.

When I'm trying to smoke my marijuana, don't bother me...please? Who needs a drag queen yelling at them over a spilled drink when they're high? Honey, I don't.

Heels. You look cute in them, of course, but they leave marks on the floor. I hate having to clean those up.

My side of the sink is set, don't leave your rouge and eyeliner over there.

When I am trying to grade my papers, I don't need your correction grade too. Whatever grade they make is what they get, don't try to up it to make them feel better. They're college kids. They don't care. I don't care.

In the middle of the night, while I'm touching you and trying to love you, it's really not sexy when you yelp, "Oh my God! My face cream is almost gone! Will you buy me some more tomorrow?" It kills me to buy it and it kills the mood.

**A/N: It's short, I know, but I couldn't think of much Collins would have to complain about Angel. So, you guys still like? Should I do Mo/Jo next? We all know that one will be long. Eek.**


	3. Mark and Maureen

A/N: Before I get to longy-ness of Maureen and Joanne, I figured I'd do what bugs Mark about Maureen. This will be fun because I actually favor Maureen over Mark, but I know how many people adore the big headed-albino. LOL. (This one is also my favorite) Here it goes:

Maureen, my dearest POOKIE...

When I'm holding my camera, this is not a good time to start whining. You can wait. I have better things to do than wait on you hand and foot, go entertain yourself with a salad and porn. Just give me thirty minutes, please?

When I'm sitting on the couch, holding my beloved camera, this is not the time to sit and stare at me. Stop talking about how I pale I am or how big my head is. I know it's huge, but as my girlfriend, it's something you needn't to point out. Do I point out how much of a whore you look like when you drag me to a club? No, I don't think so.

Please don't go around talking to people about my performance in bed. It's not a dinner conversation to have when we're out with the guys. That goes for talking about your vibrator too; just no.

I've always tried to please you every time you start whining. If you're wondering why I can never keep an erection, think about that before you whine at me in bed.

You do not pick out my clothes for me; I am a grown man. I do not need your help.

No, I am not wearing your panties, stop asking.

When I tell you I don't have the money at that moment to buy you your new boots, don't bitch at me. I have better things to spend my money on, if I had any. Get a job yourself.

Not everything has to be a protest. When we don't have milk in the fridge, that is not the time to pull a hunger strike. Just sit back down and I'll get it later. That also means stop taking Mimi's handcuffs and cuffing yourself to the fridge door. No, Maureen, no.

I know you have no problem over being nude, but put a shirt on when guest come over? Especially when it's my parents? Don't think they haven't forgotten that.

Don't touch my scarf. Simple.

You're not getting a pet cow, so forget it. And no, for the forty-second time, it will not fit in the loft.

If you must get drunk, please do it in a quiet room...alone? I think you scare everyone when you try to rape them; don't think my parents haven't forgotten that either.

When something is funny, there is no need to hit them while laughing. It hurts and looks spastic. Seriously.

When we visit Mimi at Cat Scratch, stop trying to get up there and dance. That has gotten you thrown out more than once.

One last thing: Pookie. Do not call me that, it's degrading.

Over-all, I do love you, Maureen. I think. 


End file.
